Horoscopes

People got upset when they learned I wrote horoscopes for a living. But rest assured, what I wrote was not entirely fabricated. Here’s how it worked: A French company, Astrocenter.com, sent me cryptically translated versions of horoscopes that had been written in French, by real French astrologers. My job was simply to take the clunky translation and turn it into something more enticing for an American audience.

Some excerpts:

Taurus: With Saturn square Uranus today, you will shine in any group situation, whether social or professional. It may be that you are beginning to reap the benefits of some of your New Year’s resolutions. Today you can expect to receive positive feedback on everything from your manner of dress to your style of speaking.

Sagittarius: Today could be a turning point. You are in a phase of strong career commitment. So far, you’ve climbed the corporate ladder with aplomb, and have harvested the fruits of your efforts. Today, the Moon aligned with Saturn urges you to keep the work energy flowing, because a stinging failure is likely if you don’t. Control your Leo rising tendency to boast about your latest success. Keep your head down, and continue to work hard.

Libra: The day ahead should be a delight, especially if you have some challenging mental work ahead. The pride you take in your integrity is justified, and will be reinforced thanks to the authority of Saturn in alignment with the Moon. So, Leo rising, when you take the helm today you are sure to steer a steady course to success.

Capricorn: The Saturn-Moon alignment comes just in time. Virgo Rising people have been in need of a boost lately, and here it is. Your energy is high, and you are directed and focused. You can take many chances today because success seems almost inevitable. So instead of working diligently behind the scenes, as is typical for you, come out and take a bow. It’s time to be recognized.

Gemini: Saturn and Uranus are square across your third and sixth houses. This configuration suggests that your life is going to improve dramatically, thanks largely to your family and friends. Don’t hesitate to speak up today and ask others for help, regardless of whether you are looking for a new job, a larger apartment, or simply some
career advice. You never know who will be able to help you, though today, especially, it is clear that everyone is willing to try.